Do you think our bodies can shut down to protect ourselves?
The day my Mother died my period stopped mid-stream. This did not surprise me too much because when my brother died, my cycles stopped for over six months.
I chalked it up to such a severe shock to my system. In this case, after it did not re-start, I figured well I was just getting to that age. But on the first anniversary of my Mom’s death, it re-started again with a painful kick. I’m talking doubled over like I’m a teenager again pain.
Coincidence? I’m not so sure. I’ve obviously been having a tough time losing my Mom. But I felt so totally numb this whole first year. I’ve kept busy getting her estate in order, jumping right back into my life, busy with kids and buried in work. I felt like I was doing okay.
I did tell my siblings several times that I was worried that it was going to come crashing down on me at some point because I still felt like I was in denial. That she was going to call me at any moment.
As I was thinking this morning about these unfamiliar cramps, I realized the first time this type of pause happened was when I had my heart broken while I was in college. All of these years later, I don’t even like to think back on that pain which is nothing compared to losing a parent or sibling.
The difference is with young love, you open up to the pain and emotions and slog your way through it surrounded by friends who unfortunately have to pick sides. You come out the other side a slightly different person but with closure (for the most part).
These pieces of my heart can’t be sewn back together; they are just simply missing, forever. So once again, I think I’ll come out the other side a slightly different person, I just don’t know what that looks like yet. For now, I’ll just keep looking for the positive things to take forward – that’s what my Mom would want.
Yeah, it’s a thing. Thank you google.